Everyone knows that kindness is important. Showing care and support to others helps strengthen relationships and build communities. Being kind helps us feel good too. At the same time, another type of kindness also needs the spotlight: Self-kindness. Self-kindness is the practice of treating yourself in a caring, supportive, loving, and respectful way. This is an important skill for everyone, but especially for growing kids and young adults.
Why does self-kindness matter? Instead of being overly critical and negative with ourselves, self-kindness helps us work with ourselves to achieve our goals. In turn, this helps us feel happier, more confident, and more resilient over time. It also helps us reach our goals, which builds a cycle of success.
Self-kindness can look different in different situations. For example, you show self-kindness when you take a mental break after studying or working for a period of time. You also show self-kindness when you encourage yourself to advocate and speak up for yourself, even if it’s challenging in the moment.
An important and misunderstood point is that self-kindness is not about being too easy on yourself. Not only is it possible to be more supportive of yourself as you work towards your goals, it’s the best strategy moving forward. With self-kindness, you can set goals, motivate yourself, and cheer yourself on along the way. Self-kindness helps you be the best version of yourself.
Self-kindness also opens the door to self-love, which goes another step further to help you appreciate you for all that you are as a unique individual.
Below you can read up on 15 activities to help you be more kind, caring, and supportive to yourself. Note that you don’t need to try everything all at once! Instead, give just a few strategies a try and build your self-kindness skills over time. Grab this free printable self-kindness poster to help provide reminders as you learn and grow.
Practice reading positive affirmations
Start building your positive thinking skills with positive affirmations. In short, positive affirmations are simple statements you can use to encourage yourself, boost your confidence, and help you feel calm. Some examples include, “Today is going to be a great day,” and “My challenges help me learn and grow.” Different affirmations are going to work for different situations, so it’s important to learn many phrases. You can begin with a list of positive affirmations and then choose your favorites to create your own individualized set.
Set a goal for yourself
Setting a goal for yourself is an important act of self-kindness. It is the process of thinking about what matters to you and putting a plan in place to get there. Try asking yourself the goal-setting questions below:
- What is a goal I want to set for myself?
- Why is this goal important to me?
- What are some steps I can take to meet my goal?
- How can I put a plan together to get there?
Check in with feelings
In today’s busy world, it’s important to pause and check in with how you are feeling. Research shows that just naming our feelings can help us better cope with those emotions. While this is an act of self-kindness, it also helps builds self-awareness and self-regulation.
To get started with an emotions check in, choose a quiet and distraction-free time for yourself. Pause and think about how you feel in the moment. It helps to write your feelings down in a journal or on a piece of paper. Once you’ve given it a try, you can add an emotions check in to your daily routine. Just like any skill, the more you practice checking in with your emotions, the better you can get at understanding how you feel and what you need to do your best. Try these free emotions check-in worksheets to give it a try.
Write a kind note to yourself
Spend a few minutes writing yourself a thoughtful and caring note. How you approach this activity is entirely up to you based on what you need at the moment. Here are a few suggestions with examples to get started:
- Identify what you’re doing well – “You did a fantastic job with cleaning your room. That was not easy, but I’m proud of you for getting the job done!”
- Remind yourself of why you’re amazing – “One of your best qualities is that you love to learn. Learning is so important to helping you learn, grow, and be the best you.”
- Comfort and support yourself – “I know you’ve been working hard between homework, chores, school, and basketball practice. You have a lot going on. It’s okay to rest when you need to.”
Speak to yourself with kindness, empathy, and compassion
A little empathy and compassion goes a long way in helping you feel your best. Practice speaking to yourself with kindness, empathy, and compassion, just the way you would speak to someone you care about. This is true all the time, but especially when you are struggling with something.
For example, imagine that you feel disappointed and sad when you get cut from the sports team you tried out for. At first, you might think to yourself, “You really should have practiced more. You really messed this up.” This negative self-talk isn’t helpful in the moment, though. Instead, use a more compassionate voice to tell yourself, “This is really hard. I know how badly you wanted to get on the team and you did try your best. It’s okay to feel sad, but you will get over this. Give it some time. You’re strong.”
Another example might be when you feel embarrassed after making a mistake in front of others. Your first thoughts might be, “Wow, that was so stupid. I can’t believe you did that!” Instead, try saying to yourself, “Hey, it’s really going to be okay. It’s a mistake but mistakes happen. Everyone makes mistakes.”
Speaking more compassionately to yourself can help you strengthen your resilience when faced with setbacks and challenges along the way.
Motivate yourself to work on a goal
Think about something you want to accomplish. This could be anything from organizing your binder to learning a new song on guitar. Once you have a grasp on what you want to accomplish, motivate and encourage yourself to get started. Even if it’s just one small step, that’s progress!
By motivating yourself to work on your goal, you are reminding yourself that you matter and your hopes for the future matter too.
Spend time doing activities you enjoy
Make time for you! Consider making a list of all the activities you love doing. Try to point out activities that truly help you feel your best. Some examples might include playing basketball, painting, spending time with your dog, reading, writing in a journal, watching a movie with a friend, cooking, going for a hike, or playing the guitar. Your list is going to be entirely your own!
Once you have a list, make it a point to schedule time for your favorite activities on a regular basis.
Reflect on the positives of your day or week
Every day, you do and learn amazing things. Daily and weekly reflection time helps you give yourself the credit you deserve. When you reflect, pause and ask yourself:
- What are you proud of yourself for today?
- What did you learn today?
- What inspired you today?
- What made you feel happy today?
- What challenges did you overcome?
- What are you grateful for?
Having a simple list of reflection questions can help you identify your daily and weekly positives.
Do something for your future self
Doing something for your future self is self-kindness. Sometimes there are tasks you might not want to do in the moment, but you know it will positively impact you. This can look different in different situations, such as finishing a chore you know you need to do, putting your phone away while you study, exercising, or getting to sleep at a certain time.
For example, imagine you know you need to wash your water bottle for practice tomorrow. You don’t really feel like washing it right now, but you know your future self would be grateful to not have to worry about one more thing tomorrow. With that, you commit to your future self and just wash it.
By committing to do something you know you need to do, you are showing kindness to the future you.
Make a list of what makes you great
Come up with your own list of 10 (or more) things that make you great. This exercise helps you identify your positive qualities, your strengths, your interests, and what makes you YOU. Use any of the sentence starters below to help you get started.
- I am great at…
- One amazing quality about me is…
- Something unique about me is…
- One thing about myself I love is…
- Something I’m proud of myself for is…
- Something I know a lot about is…
Practice calming strategies
Calming strategies, or coping skills, are important in helping you feel relaxed, regulated, focused, and happy. It helps to think of calming strategies like tools in a toolbox. Different strategies work for different people and even at different times. Building your own unique set of calming strategies that works best for you can help you do and feel your best.
When you take the time to practice your favorite calming strategies, you are putting yourself first, and that’s an important act of self-kindness. A few to try include:
- Mindful breathing – Slowly breathe in and out as you focus on your breath. You can try memorable breathing techniques, such as “heartbeat breathing” and “4-7-8 breathing.”
- Exercising – Take time to move your body, whether that means taking a walk, practicing yoga, or playing a sport.
- Writing in a journal – Spend time by yourself writing in a journal or notebook. What you write is entirely up to you. Share your feelings, write a note to yourself, or just free write to express your thoughts.
Take a break when you need it
Breaks are an important strategy that help you do and feel your best. They are critical to rebuild self-regulation skills and help you get through tough tasks. With that, practice pausing and taking a healthy break when you need one.
What does a health break look like? Healthy brain breaks are pauses that boost your mental energy (instead of draining it). These activities actually help you feel recharged. Examples might be taking a break from cleaning your room to take a walk around the block with your dog, or taking a break from your homework to color a page in your journal.
Take time to feel proud of yourself
Give yourself time to feel proud of your accomplishments! Sometimes when we finish a task, chore, or project, we’re quick to move on to the next thing. Instead, try to take some time to feel proud of your wins. It’s also important to feel proud of your progress. Even if you don’t finish a task, any progress is a step in the right direction. Celebrate both your wins and your progress along the way.
Take care of your body and mind
Self-care is self-kindness. By taking care of yourself, you are actually being kind to your future self. There are many ways to take care of your body and mind, such as:
- Getting high-quality sleep. High-quality sleep is a critical component in helping you focus, solve problems, and manage stress. Assess your sleep habits to make sure you are getting the rest you deserve.
- Eating well and staying hydrated. Getting enough water and healthy food helps your brain and body function its best.
- Exercising. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins that help boost your mood and reduce stress. Regular exercise can also strengthen your ability to focus and think clearly. Choose a favorite style of exercise (such as walking, running, yoga, or playing sports) and add it to your routine.
- Learn something new. Activate your brain by learning about something that is interesting or important to you.
Advocate for yourself
Speaking up for yourself is an act of self-kindness because your needs matter. Practice using your voice, which includes sharing your own opinions, expressing your feelings, and asking for help when you need it. Self-advocacy is self-kindness.
More Self-Love and Self-Kindness
Use the power of self-love to build a foundation of confidence, resilience, perseverance, and more. Get started with a self-love journal and workbook for kids filled with engaging activities to help learners be successful and feel their best.
A final note: Remember that you don’t have to complete every self-kindness act all at once! Choose a few and practice at your own pace to build your self-kindness and self-love skills over time.
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