In tough times, kids themselves might not have the skills to regulate and calm themselves. This is where co-regulation comes in. Co-regulation is the practice of modeling and coaching self-regulation techniques for kids and teens. We can think of it like an extra support or intervention for struggling children and young adults.
Ultimately, the ongoing practice of co-regulation with kids and teens can help them strengthen their own personal coping skills toolbox. As we model deep breathing, they learn that they too can practice deep breathing. When kids hear a calm tone of voice with supportive words, they learn that they too can talk to themselves in a calm and caring way. Co-regulation is helping kids and teens build their own personal coping skills toolbox, and that’s a powerful thing.
There are many different ways to help kids and teens regulate their emotions with co-regulation. How do you know what the right strategy to use is? Ultimately, that depends on each individual child. One child might calm down better when talking about their emotions, while another might need to take a walk and get away from the situation for a moment. It might even depend on that specific scenario and situation. This is why having a list of co-regulation strategies can be helpful. Keep these techniques in your own personal co-regulation toolbox to help kids when they need support the most.
Co-Regulation Strategies
Below are several co-regulation strategies that adults can perform with kids and teens. What is most important is that these techniques must be done with kids and teens. In other words, these are not tasks to assign to a student and walk away. It’s important that the regulation technique is a cooperative effort, at least at first, to help kids and teens build their own self-regulation strategies over time. For example, an paraeducator might sit down and draw with a learner or a parent might model slow breathing, encouraging the child to follow along.
1. Talk about Feelings.
Give kids and teens a chance to share how they’re feeling. Just naming our emotions alone can actually help us better cope with them. You can offer time to talk about feelings, or provide an emotions check-in where students can write how they feel and then share when they are ready. Use a free emotions check-in worksheet to give it a try.
2. Practice Slow Breathing.
Slow and deep breathing is a critical technique in helping calm emotions. The science is clear on this; deep breathing invokes a state of relaxation, slows a racing heart rate, and reduces stress levels.
Practice meaningful breathing techniques right alongside kids and teens. Start by modeling the breathing exercises and encourage kids to follow along. An adult might start by saying, “I’m going to take some slow and deep breaths. You can watch me and feel free to join in anytime you’re ready.”
It can also help to have a set of breathing cards and posters on hand. This visual reminder can give extra guidance and support in the moment.
3. Chat About High-Interest Topics.
Talking about high-interest topics provides a way to help students distance themselves from the problem for a short period of time. In a way, this is a meaningful and planned distraction. Beyond that, conversations give an excellent opportunity for relationship-building.
Topics to discuss are going to vary from child to child; use any activities or ideas they are interested in! Some examples might include favorite food, animals and pets, family, friends, movies, video games, sports, or music.
If you’re still stuck on what topics to bring up, start off with a list of relationship-building questions when the child or teen is calm. This should give an idea for what topics might do the trick during a challenging time.
4. Take a Walk.
Taking a walk has two important self-regulation elements embedded into it. First, exercise is always a healthy coping strategy to help us manage stress. Just the activity of walking alone can give great benefit in providing some calm.
To give this a try, an adult might start by saying, “I’m going to take a walk. Do you want to join me?”
Walking also allows kids and teens to step away from the problem or challenging situation for a short period of time. This distance can provide mental clarity, almost like a brain reset. Getting outside for a walk is ideal, but not necessary; any short walk will do!
5. Draw or Color.
Coloring books and coloring pencils or crayons are always helpful tools to have on hand for co-regulation. When a child or teen is frustrated or upset, sit down next to them and start coloring on your own. It helps to leave coloring pages and coloring utensils right near the student so that they can start coloring too when they’re ready.
Another tip: Find coloring books and pages specifically tailored to the interest of your student. You can head to the dollar store and grab coloring books on all different topics like cars or animals.
To give coloring a try right away, use these free coloring pages.
6. Read.
Reading is another powerful coping strategy. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness highlights that reading reduces stress, lowers heart rate, and eases muscle tension. This makes reading an excellent co-regulation tool. There are a few different ways you can use reading to help kids and teens relax.
Opt for calming read alouds, such as engaging chapter books or simple picture books. Read as the child or teen sits in a comfortable position. Remember that even big kids love a good read aloud. The book you choose to read doesn’t have to be at the student’s reading level; any good read will do.
Another option to listen to audio books. Both Audible and Spotify have lots of options. Even the local public library often has free rentals for audio books. Play the reading aloud and listen together as you both relax and de-stress.
7. Use Positive Self-Talk.
Positive affirmations are an incredibly important strategy to boost confidence, improve focus, and feel more relaxed. Practice reading positive self-talk phrases together as a co-regulation strategy. You can start by reciting some favorite phrases and encourage the learner to repeat them back to you.
Another tip: When the student is calm, have them create their own personalized list of positive self-talk phrases. You can use this list in times of stress to help them calm and manage emotions on the spot.
8. Exercise.
Exercises, stretches, and yoga postures are always great options to help kids and teens calm down. Sometimes, some simple movement makes all the difference.
Start with some simple stretches and invite the child or teen to join you. An adult might say, “I’m going to try some stretches. Feel free to join me when you’re ready.”
A few other exercise techniques to try include jogging in place, jumping jacks, push ups, jumping rope, and arm circles.
9. Use Hands-On Calming Tools.
Fidgets provide a hands-on calming strategy. There are countless calming fidgets and hands-on tools to use. A few favorites to try include a liquid timer, breathing sphere, sensory bottle, and puzzles.
Grab a hands-on tool and use it right alongside your learner. For example, you might pull out a puzzle and sit next to the student. Start putting the puzzle together and invite the child to join in.
10. Listen to Music.
Music has a calming effect on the human body. Different styles of music may work for different people, so it’s worth time to experiment and try different genres. Light jazz, classical, instrumental, or even nature sounds are a great place to start.
To give this a try, play some calming music and sit together. Other calming strategies can also be added in while the music is playing, such as mindful breathing or coloring.
11. Write in a Journal.
Writing in a journal is a healthy way to express emotions and share ideas. Start by setting up your learner with their own individual journal when they are calm. Then, during tough moments, take out this journal and place it where the student can get started on their own. At the same time, it’s helpful for the adult to also be journal writing right alongside the child or teen in their own journal. Again, this helps to model and encourage the coping strategy.
Kids can use a free write style of journal writing, where they write anything about how they feel or think. Another option is to try gratitude journaling. For this activity, learners should list things they are grateful for in their lives.
Use mindful journaling prompts as a strategy to help kids feel more calm and focused.
Check out more social-emotional journal ideas you can use anytime for kids and teens.
12. Play a Game.
Playing a simple game, like a board game or cards, can provide a quick break that helps kids and teens calm down in a tough moment. The best part is that you can use any games you already have in your game cabinet. Some all-time favorites include Connect Four, Scrabble, and Candyland.
As a bonus, playing board games also inherently work on other social-emotional skills at the same time such as turn-taking, problem-solving, patience, and sportsmanship.
An important point when it comes to playing a game is that this isn’t a reward time; it’s co-regulation time. With that, it’s important to choose this strategy mindfully. Once we feel more calm and regulated, we can put the game away and get back to doing what we need to.
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